Touched by No One, Judged by Everyone

Going without a relationship for years changes you. It rewires your heart in ways you never asked for.

During lockdown, people unraveled after just a few months without their partners – or even basic touch. And yes, that included sex too. But not everyone stayed apart. Some bent the rules, snuck around, or moved in together early – anything to hold onto connection.

Meanwhile, I followed the rules. I stayed alone. I sat in silence. And I’ve lived through far longer stretches of it – years where no one reached for me, no one waited. Yet people still tell me to “toughen up,” like this ache is a switch I should’ve flipped by now.

It’s always those who’ve never known real loss – the ones who still fall asleep beside someone – who offer the most advice. Try burying the love of your life, then waking up alone for a thousand mornings, before telling me how to move on.

After years without a hug, the first one doesn’t even feel real. It jolts something in you – but by then, you’ve forgotten how to feel it. Like someone who’s only ever known hot showers – go without for long enough, and the cold becomes routine. Comfort turns into memory.

But it’s not just hugs. It’s the absences nobody sees. A shared coffee. A hand on your back. Someone noticing you’ve had a hard day without asking. Those tiny pieces of daily love hold you together – until they don’t. You adapt. But the emptiness never leaves. It just learns how to hide behind your smile.

Everyone has advice – until their night ends wrapped in someone else’s warmth. Me? I go home to memories that haunt me, and a bed that never forgets it’s only half full.

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